2016 Republican Presidential Candidates
by WizMonCruWil
Summary: So, I wrote this in the summer when the candidates for President were still declaring. I imagined it like how someone might hitchhike on the highway. What kind of vehicle would each party drive? How would they handle new entrants and people dropping out? Will be updated continuously as more people continue to drop out.


**2016 Republican Presidential Candidates**

Music blared out the windows of the Greyhound party bus as it sped through the plains of America. The nine occupants were laughing, talking and dancing. At the wheel was Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, though his front-runner status would possibly be shaken up as more candidates declared and scrambled on board. Riding shotgun was Florida Senator Marco Rubio. In the back were seven others: retired neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson, Texas Senator Ted Cruz, former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, former New York Governor George Pataki and former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum. These occupants had now begun to argue amongst themselves.

"Are we at the debates yet?"

"No, George, we still have candidates to pick up."

"Don't remind me, Carly."

"Rand! Ben farted!" Graham called out.

"All right everyone that's enough!" hollered Huckabee. "It's noon and you know what that means."

"Lunch?" asked Santorum hopefully.

"No, noon-time prayer!"

A few people quietly groaned, but Huckabee pulled out his Bible and began to read anyway. Carson and Santorum seemed to be the only ones to listen and recite with rapt attention. When Huckabee finished, they even applauded.

"That was wonderful Scripture, Governor," Carson complimented. "That passage in John is one of my-"

"Hey! Marco! You stole my beer from the mini fridge!" Cruz suddenly roared.

"I did not!" Rubio countered from the passenger seat.

"Did too!" Their spat quickly devolved into a shouting match in fluent Spanish - so loudly that Rand barely heard his phone ring.

"CAN'T YOU BOZOS SHUT UP?!" Paul roared. "The Kochs are calling me!" It was amazing how quickly silence permeated the bus as Paul answered the call.

"Hello?...uh-huh...Another one coming on board today?...got it...Thank you, David...bye." He hung up.

"We may have to get more creative on name-gaming, fellas. Another Rick is announcing today!"

"Rick Perry?" asked Santorum.

"I knew it," muttered Pataki.

Rand nodded. "We need to keep a lookout for his hitch-hiking sign. Anybody sees it, just holler."

The bus was deadly quiet for about ten minutes. Then-

"RAND! Pull over! I see him! I see him!" Graham screamed. Just ahead was a bespectacled man waving and holding a sign that read RUNNING FOR PREZ '16: GOP NOMINATION. Rand guided the bus onto the shoulder and stopped. The doors opened.

"Welcome aboard Ricky P!"

Perry clambered on and gave the others a toothy grin.

"And then there were ten!" Graham crowed. "Just glad I got on a few days before you, otherwise the food woulda been all gone!"

"I have news for y'all," Perry reported as he took a seat near the back of the bus, due to his low polling numbers. "Rand may not be driving this thing for much longer. A new declared front runner will be taking over soon."

"Who?" Everyone chorused.

"Jeb Bush is scheduled to join us on the 15th, Donald Trump the day after, and Bobby Jindal on the 24th." There was an instant uproar as everyone began peppering Perry with questions at once, but he held up a hand. "That's all I know."

"In the meantime, we should be copacetic for a while; it's only June 4th," Paul explained. "Here's the deal: seats only change when new candidates announce and arrive or polling numbers shift significantly. Also: keep an eye out for a little red Prius that houses the Democratic candidates. There are four of them now; Lincoln Chafee joined them yesterday, but Hillary is still driving."

"And to think he used to be a one of us, the traitor!" Carson cursed. Nobody answered him though as Paul pulled off the shoulder and the Greyhound party bus continued to lurch its way across the U.S. Where it would end up was anyone's guess.

* * *

Rick Perry turned out to be correct. On June 15th, Jeb Bush boarded the bus and took over in the driver's seat. Donald Trump followed the next day, and Bobby Jindal on the 24th. Both took seats near the middle or back of the bus. Then, on June 30th, Chris Christie climbed aboard with little notice. The field was now up to 14, with anywhere between two and five more candidates possibly joining.

Two weeks later, Scott Walker finally climbed on board the bus following a July 13th announcement. Another week went by before John Kasich joined on July 21st. He was thought to be bringing up the rear - a sentiment that turned out not to be correct…

* * *

As a heatwave signaled the end of July, the GOP candidates were anxious for the first debate on the 6th of August. Given the unprecedented number of them, Fox News had ordered that only the top 10 in averages of five national polls be allowed on the debate stage; a separate forum for the remaining candidates would be held earlier that same day (Some people were already referring to the latter as "the kids' table debate"). On July 29th, the bus was humming along nicely, when it suddenly started slowing down.

"Why are we stopping?" Fiorina asked.

Rick Perry got out of his seat and moved up the aisle, a glint in his eyes. "We're headed for the other side of the freeway," he announced dramatically.

"Told you those glasses didn't make him look smart," Trump (who was driving) muttered to Bush in the shotgun seat.

"We can't be there yet; the debate isn't for another week." Fiorina shot back.

The bus pulled over to the opposite median. Candidates began to peer out the windows. The door opened, and Trump got out. He seemed to be talking with a man. Then, Perry saw the sign.

"Nah, it's just another pick-up. That's weird, I thought you were supposed to be the last one, John. We're debating in your home state, after all" He turned back to Kasich, who merely shrugged.

"I thought so, too."

Trump came back on the bus with the newcomer. "This here's Jim Gilmore, former Governor of Virginia. He ran in 2008."

Some of the candidates, like Huckabee, remembered Gilmore; others were quietly whispering "Who?" to each other.

Gilmore took his place in the back of the bus. "I just filed my papers with the FEC today, folks. My formal announcement won't come until tomorrow."

"Yes, yes, in any case, welcome aboard," Trump growled. "Alright, all you ladies, ready to go to that debate?" There was only some half-hearted assent - the candidates did not take to Trump's latest jab, and also none of them seemed to be looking forward to debating him. The bus continued on to its finally destination: the debate hall in Cleveland, Ohio.

* * *

No one else joined after Gilmore; the record-breaking field of 17 candidates was set. Following the first Republican debate in Cleveland, the party bus continued bouncing across the United States, its occupants now just waiting for people to drop out of the race, and thus get off the bus.

The first shoe to drop was Rick Perry, on September 11th. Now dead broke, he stumbled off the bus almost sadly; the others watched him get left behind in a cloud of exhaust. Ten days later, the field was in for a shock when Scott Walker – once considered a front-runner in the race – got off the bus. The latter event happened a mere five days after the second debate for the party.

Two more months went by. The GOP candidates had their third, then fourth debates. Trump and now Carson stayed stubbornly at the top of the polls. Just as stubbornly, no one else budged. Finally, on November 17th, Bobby Jindal became the third casualty, dropping out of the race.

Another 5 weeks passed. The GOP had their fifth debate, with Donald Trump still the center of attention. Shortly after, on December 21st, Lindsey Graham called it quits. Just over a week after that, George Pataki wrapped up the year 2015 by dropping out on December 29th. 5 down, yet still 11 to go before a nominee emerged.

* * *

The year 2016 rang in. The 12 surviving GOP candidates, still led stubbornly by Trump and with Cruz now in second place, had their sixth debate just two and a half weeks before the Iowa Caucuses. The seventh followed when the first voting was only four days out.

On February 1st, 2016, the Iowa Caucuses were held. In the first voting contest of the election, Ted Cruz triumphed over Donald Trump, who came in a respectable second. Marco Rubio followed in a better-than-expected third. Finishing a dismal ninth out of twelve, Mike Huckabee got off the bus, dropping out that very night (February 1st) – a sad end for the man who won in that state eight years before. On February 3rd, perhaps seeing the writing on the wall and having been barely surviving for a couple months, Rand Paul dropped out, despite a respectable fifth place finish in Iowa. Hours later on that same day, Rick Santorum also got off the bus, after finishing next to last in the state he had won by a hair a mere four years prior. Thus, for the first time since the previous June, the GOP field was back in the single digits.

In between the first two primary contests, all the candidates - save for two - who had survived the first round of voting partook in the party's eighth debate, just days before the host state's voters went to cast their ballots. Then, on February 9th, 2016, the nine surviving candidates charged into New Hampshire to see whose campaigns would live and whose would die. Trump won handily, with John Kasich surging into a surprising second. Ted Cruz fell from his win in Iowa down to a still-respectable third, so his contender status was not threatened. However, Marco Rubio's was. After a disastrous debate performance, he bombed in a fifth place finish, behind his former mentor, Jeb Bush, who surged like Kasich and captured fourth. In the end, Trump bested his nearest competitor by over 55,000 votes - and became the second candidate that cycle to clear the 100,000 votes hurdle, though narrowly. With the dynamics of the race turned completely on its head, the second voting state in the nation would not provide the winnowing of the field that many had hoped for. But that did not mean it was casualty-free. On February 10th, less than 24 hours after the primary, Carly Fiorina - the sole woman in the GOP race - got off the bus, after finishing seventh in New Hampshire. Mere hours later that same day, Chris Christie also got off the bus after an abysmal sixth place showing. His legacy as he spun off into the ether: leaving one hell of a parting shot that grievously wounded Rubio.

* * *

The party bus was much quieter now, as the seven remnants of the GOP field prattled on to South Carolina. All at once, Trump, who had been driving for some time, pulled over on the side of the road.

"All right, everybody out," he called. Nobody moved.

"Why?" Rubio snarled. "If you think you're going to take the nomination by force, you are sorely -"

"Chill the hell out, sonny, I'm not doing that! I've already killed off 10 of ya, I can wait for the rest of you to go on your own time," the CEO barked. "I just decided that, with more manageable numbers, we might want to downsize a little bit." At this, the others relaxed and agreed.

The seven men stomped off the bus, onto what appeared to be a used car lot. Trump took roll as if he was a teacher keeping track of his preschoolers, rattling off names as each person disembarked.

"Cruz, Rubio, Bush, Carson, Kasich, and…" he gave the former Virginia governor a funny look. "I thought you were gone, Gilmore!"

Gilmore gave him a smug grin. "Still standing." The other men snickered, glad that somebody was willing to mock the Donald. Trump pretended not to notice.

"You kiddies stay here," and he went off to speak to the car salesman. After a few minutes he was back.

"Sold the bus. Check out our new ride." He jerked his thumb to the left. Everyone else stared.

"A black Highlander? Used? You're kidding," scoffed Cruz.

Trump just shook his head. "It seats seven, so we'll be at full capacity until we get to South Carolina. I don't expect it to stay that way for long, though." He led the way over to the van, and opened the door. "Everybody in," he ushered. The men got in and sorted themselves based on their current standings in South Carolina polls: Trump driving, with Cruz riding shotgun. The middle three seats were taken by Rubio, Bush and Carson, while Kasich and Gilmore squeezed into the last row in the very back.

"Be sure to keep an eye out for Hillary and Bernie's Prius," Trump reminded everyone. And with that, the GOP field headed south.

* * *

Two days after switching rides, on February 12th, Jim Gilmore asked that Trump pull over.

"I'm getting out. Goodbye, folks, and good luck to you." He crawled out of the back and left. The others stared after him, almost feeling sorry for the guy. Trump just shrugged.

"He never had a shot anyway." The now-even-smaller band continued on towards South Carolina.

The next evening, the Superior Six arrived in the Palmetto State for their ninth (!) debate. For the first debate all cycle, everyone was present on one stage. History had demonstrated South Carolina to be a real testing ground for presidential material, as below-the-belt attacks and whisper campaigns, though seen as ethically low, were common. The debate was no exception, as it pretty much devolved into a shouting match - both in English and, in the case of Senators Cruz and Rubio at one point, Spanish. The sudden death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia earlier that day, and whether Obama had the right to appoint a replacement with only a year left in office, did not help matters.

On February 20th, 2016, the six charged into the South Carolina primary. Trump won an outright victory, with desperate struggles for second between the two freshmen Senators and another frantic fight for fourth among the governors. Facing a devastating fourth place finish, Jeb Bush - the son and brother of presidents - dropped out of the race that very night. He looked like he was going to break down in tears as he exited the car. In the end, Rubio pulled off a second-place finish in an about 1,100-votes squeaker with Cruz. Bush, Kasich and Carson finished (in that order) within the 50,000 range, actually somewhat close to each other. Trump, meanwhile, dominated, besting his closest competitor by over 70,000 votes.

The survivors barely had time to turn around before the Nevada caucuses happened on February 23rd. Trump won again, this time taking almost 46% of the state vote and spanking Marco Rubio by 22 points. Rubio pulled away from Cruz by almost 2,000 votes this time, while Carson, then Kasich were left behind in the single digits.

Two nights later, the quintet had their tenth debate. Facing the distinct reality of Trump truly being the nominee, Cruz and Rubio worked together to execute an 11th-hour takedown of the Donald. Rubio did most of the work, and seemed to throw Trump off-balance, though the real-estate mogul gave about as good as he got in some moments. Kasich and Carson were largely forgotten, but nobody thought they would be the nominee anyway.

March 1st was Super Tuesday - the biggest date on the primary calendar. 11 Republican contests were held simultaneously across the nation. Trump won seven states, Cruz won three (including his home state of Texas) and Rubio finally got a state on the board - Minnesota, of all places. Kasich pulled a respectable second behind Trump in at least two contests, while poor Carson was shut out almost completely.

The primary bonanza all but killed off the former neurosurgeon. He announced that he would not be attending the next debate. He left the car on March 4th with a resigned look; Cruz smirked secretly, glad that the evangelical thorn in his side was finally gone.

The day before Carson departed, the Final Four - Trump, Cruz, Rubio and Kasich - held their party's eleventh debate in Detroit. It turned into a literal dick measuring contest that left the Ohio Governor all but forgotten.

The primaries now sped up. Over the next several days, eight more states voted, Trump taking five and Cruz three. Rubio was practically shut out of delegate counts; his second victory in the Puerto Rico primary largely went unnoticed. He even placed last in two of the contests.

A twelfth debate was held five days before a slew of states voted, including the home states of both Kasich and Rubio. On that day, Trump trounced Rubio in his native Florida, delivering the freshman Senator's deathblow. Rubio dropped out that very night, March 15th, giving Trump a death glare as he exited the car. Trump also went on to win Illinois, Missouri (though in a squeaker), North Carolina and the Mariana Islands territory. The only place he lost was Ohio, to Kasich, its governor and now the last of the establishments.

* * *

As March passed into April, and the three survivors reached the process's halfway point, signs materialized that Trump's death grip on the primary seemed to finally be weakening. This was thanks in large part to Trump stumbling on answers during televised town halls. Also, Anti-Trump forces across the nation were finally becoming more organized, and pundits saw the April 5th primary in Wisconsin (which Trump was losing to Cruz), as a bellwether that could at least deny Trump the necessary delegates to secure the nomination outright before the convention. Never mind that the calvary was coming months too late, after Trump had dispatched fourteen rivals and mathematically eliminated a fifteenth (Kasich). That left as the party's only non-Trump option none other than Ted Cruz, whom establishment support had started to begrudgingly rally around - a snub to Kasich, but many thought that if the convention weren't in his home state, he would have become another Trump casualty even if he did win Ohio. At any rate, if the governor could not muster wins in upper Midwestern states, his campaign was pretty much over.

The April 19th New York Primary signaled the final push as the last 16 states began to cast their votes. Despite a crucial victory in Wisconsin two weeks earlier, Ted Cruz ran into a brick wall in the Empire State, getting less than 15% of the vote and zero in the delegate count. Kasich scrapped up three of four, will Trump crushed them both with 60% of the vote and 90 delegates, regaining his momentum after Wisconsin.

New York would signal the final sprint to the end of the primary process, as everyone looked to the remaining 15 contests or so. Predictably, Trump won his home state. Five Northeastern states then voted on April 26th - Trump won them all. He was now more than 400 delegates ahead of Cruz and more than double that over Kasich.

On May 3rd in Indiana, Trump delivered Cruz's deathblow. The Cuban demagogue shocked the world when he dropped out of the race that very night, even after he desperately named a running mate (Carly Fiorina) earlier in the week. Thus, John Kasich of all people, not Cruz, became the last man standing against Trump. Cruz, however, did not cry like Rubio as he exited the car. He merely backed out the rear door with an odd grin on his face, as if he knew something about Trump that The Donald himself did not. Kasich, even when prompted by a dominant Trump, preferred to decline following Cruz out, though it hardly mattered. The race was practically over.

* * *

And it was. The next morning, May 4th, (perhaps ominously Star Wars Day), Kasich threw in the towel. He stepped out of the car slowly, his hands in the air. Trump smirked in triumph. But Kasich left him with an ominous warning: "Start panicking. You're next."

Trump had won. The GOP was stuck with him. November loomed large and dark for America….

* * *

 **17\. Perry, 16. Walker, 15. Jindal, 14. Graham, 13. Pataki, 12. Huckabee, 11. Paul, 10. Santorum, 9. Fiorina, 8. Christie, 7. Gilmore, 6. Bush, 5. Carson, 4. Rubio** **3\. Cruz, 2. Kasich, 1. TRUMP**


End file.
